Screaming at Referees Teaches the Wrong Lessons in Youth Sports

Parents, what message are we sending when we scream at referees during youth games?

Our kids are watching us closely, absorbing every reaction and behavior. They’re learning how to handle pressure, adversity, and respect—not just from our words but primarily from our actions.

When we argue with referees, we inadvertently teach our children that disputes and disrespect are acceptable ways to handle unfavorable situations. Instead of setting this example, we should focus on modeling good sportsmanship. Calls won’t always go their way, and that’s a reality in both sports and life. The question becomes: how do we respond?

Rather than disputing every call, parents can use these moments to teach resilience. Encourage children to focus on their effort and attitude—factors they can control—rather than the outcome of a single call or game. It’s a powerful lesson: you can’t control external decisions, but you can control your response and behavior.

This mindset shift fosters emotional intelligence and helps young athletes develop coping skills that will serve them well beyond the playing field. They learn to handle setbacks with grace, channel their energy into productive efforts, and maintain a positive outlook regardless of external circumstances.

Yelling at referees often creates a toxic game environment. It distracts the players, undermines the referees’ authority, and diminishes the enjoyment of the game for everyone involved. Youth sports should be a platform for growth, learning, and enjoyment—not a breeding ground for conflict and negativity.

Parents should aim to be supportive cheerleaders from the sidelines. Applaud the effort, celebrate teamwork, and highlight personal growth rather than focusing solely on the score or perceived injustices. By doing so, we help our children develop a healthy relationship with competition and learn valuable life lessons about fairness, respect, and perseverance.

Ultimately, the goal is to raise not just better athletes but better people. Good sportsmanship, respect for authority, and resilience in the face of adversity are qualities that extend far beyond the game. Let’s teach these values by example—because trust me, a ref ain’t one of the things our kids can control.